Kem Chcho..?

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Kantibhai Shah. Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave. 2000 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try' Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave. 2000 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays. Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave. 500 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room. Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone. Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.' Calmly, Kantibhai turns to the other candidate and says `kem chho?'

The other candidate answers.. 'ek dam majama' :D

Dont be Too Romantic..!!

Akbar-Naama: A day in the life of Jalaluddin Akbar :D

5:00 am Woke up to the first rays of the sun. To my surprise, I found myself in bed with Abul Fazal. Don’t know how this happened –I distinctly remember asking for directions to Abu Begum’s quarters.
5:30 am: Bare-chested sword play in front of the harem. What makes it totally cool is that I did not even have an actual steel sword. Yep I am naughty in the mornings.

6:30 am: Nothing better than to start the day off by taming a wild elephant. And oh boy did this one shake its trunk and almost flattened me twice with its huge feet before I could grab it by the tusk. But then the page-boy tells me I have made yet another mistake. Instead of going to the pit, I had wandered into the courtyard of one of my most senior wives, who seems to have been pissed off with me for some reason.
Damn. Two mistakes and its not yet 7 am.
Note to self: No opium shots in the morning.
8 am: Meeting with Raja Haldiram after refreshing bath. He wants the same damn thing: matrimonial alliance. To be honest, the girl looked very “Diwan-e-aam”. I of course like “Diwan-e-khaas”. Convinced him I have way too many wives already. Seemed a bit insulted. Gave him the honorary title of Bhujiawala.
10 am: Threw some fool down from the roof head-first. Don’t even remember why. Must have lost my head or something. Will present the standard Mughal compensation package: petrol pump to son and harem-pass to widow. Yeah I know I have many wives. But what to do—the good of the subject is always the most important.
11 am: Have to tell Birbal, for the zillionth time, not to send PJs as SMSs. This guy has the lamest sense of humor and keeps recycling jokes from Mullah Naseeruddin, Tenali Rama, Gopal Bhand and Sekhar Suman and passing them off as his own.
11: 15 am: Lunch with wife No 296. Kept on nagging about how I do not give her any special attention. Nag nag nag.
12 pm Sleepy: Didnt help having a meeting with a bunch of hysteric Rajputs who kept saying I had married my son’s wife. That’s what I think they said, claiming that the whole clan has been insulted and that they would boycott something or the other.
Note to self: I do have too many wives.
2 pm: Woke up after power nap. Music auditions for court musician. Today’s idols: Dilip Sen, Sameer Sen and Tan Sen. SMS voting has opened. Celebrity judge for today: living legend Dev Anand, my grandfather Babur’s favorite actor.
3 pm: Announced budget. Jeziya tax has been repealed. However I have put a cess on kumkum and agarbatti, removed a 10% tax flat tax on corrugated roofing and put additional tariffs on cell phones and elephant manure. Why screw Hindus only when you can screw everybody ! I am sure the Ranathambore and Mewar guys will call my budget “anti-people” but then what’s new about that !
4 pm: Trouble ! The ambassador of Bengal informed me that the entire state will rebel if Sourav Ganguly is not selected in the one day team. Got into a shouting match and at the end the Bengali ambassador said something that sounded like “Boka Jodhaa Akbar”. My advisors told me it’s just the ambassador wishing me and my wife good health.
5 pm: Some new qawwal. What a heavenly voice. What lovely lyrics: “I love you Sayoni. Koi shaq? What’s up?” I think I can get rid of Faizi.
6 pm: Problems. Seems there has been bird flu that has made chickens poisonous to eat. Demand for chickens down. I suggested we organize a grand feast, free of cost, serve exclusively chicken dishes and get demand up again. All my Navratans laughed at me saying that the idea was ridiculous, the “free feast” would set of alarm bells about the provenance of the free chickens and the whole event would be flop. Well guess who is laughing now.
7 pm: Debriefing with Maham Anga. I am seriously getting sick of this lady being the actual power behind the throne and me being just a puppet. I pretend not to hear when some of the servant girls whisper “Manmohan Singh” as I pass by.
8 pm: With wife No 264. The whole rigmarole of “Kya aap hume mohabbat kartein hain?” begins.
Married life I tell you.
[Disclaimer: No disrespect to any historic character, living or dead]

Kavi ki Kalpana-Song review-Maula mere

FoLks,
i was listening this song from Anwar (Maula mere..Maula mere) and i was thinking about its line so there was some disturbance in the devil part of my mind so i came out with this review..which is quite thought provoking..

Kavi kahta hai ki
aankhein teri, kitni haseenki inka aashiq, mein ban gaya hoonmujhko basa le, inme tu..

now folks, see the 'kavi ki kalpana'...aakhen hai haseen and basaa le mujhy inme tu...now tell me what if gal is blind then where gal will keep her lover?...if she is wearing glass then? ..suggestions invited..

aage kavi kahta hai...
mujhse yeh har ghadi, mere lab kaheteri hi ho sab guftagoo

bole to there is nothing like project and reporting manager in this world to whom he talks!
baatein teri itni haseen, mein yaad inko jab karta hoonphoolon si aaye, khusboo..
baaton se khusboo??? see the out-of-world imagination!!!..even the gal would be laughing on this dude..

Rakh loon chhupa ke mein kahin tujhkosaaya bhi tera na main doon.....
(see the posessivness of this dude..gal will sure run away after watching his face 24 hrs :D )
julfen teri, itni ghanidekh ke inko, yeh sochta hoonsaaye me, inke mein jiyoon
(what is gal is having dandruff in her hairs??...will he still live with her hairs on his face all times? ..btw we need a house to live...imagin the guy sitting with gal's hair on his face all time..hilarious)

Have a nice time folks!

Rise of Bakras on V day..!!!

Friends,
After going through the recent trends, an usual thought came in to my mind that why always guys pay or spend money on valentine day. hope many of you notice that its always guy who buy flowers,gifts, archies stuff for the gals this day who only flattered after getting these stuff and just giggle but when it comes their turn they hardly open their purse ;)
at the end only guys endup becoming a 'bakra'.
when that time will come when,
1) guy will give a miss call and gal will call up ;)
2) guy wen will wake up only to find that he got N numbers of missed calls and GM/GE mszs
3) Gal will open their purse without even looking at guy in restaurents
4) guys will get gifts and only giggle after getting roses from gals on V day or rose day.
p.s. i am not against gals but these are just random thoughts :P
have a nice time!